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Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
Needless to say, there is a tendency among
businesmen
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 and employees to
work
 for a lot of
hours
 every day, having almost no
time
 for hobbies and entertainment.
Therefore
, there are some pros and cons due to extra
work
time
 which will be discussed below.
However
, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
some benefits, long working
hours
 significantly inbalance a person’s routine,
that is
 why longer working
hpurs
Correct your spelling
hours
 might consider rather as a con. Undoubtedly, it is
advantegeous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 that working additional
hours
 a person improves some skills and gets more knowledgable in a particular field.
As a result
, these efforts might pay off in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. It is considered that hard
work
, commitment and extra
time
 are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
well-known ways to follow in order to get a promotion.
However
, an evident disadvantage of longer working
hours
 is lack of spare
time
 for sports and other entertainment which are sufficient for physical and
menal
Correct your spelling
mental
health
.
Besides
, an
awerage
Correct your spelling
average
 worker is working for 8
hours
 a day sitting at the desk, that has an
harmul
Correct your spelling
harmful
 effect on posture and
health
 in general.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is vital to find
time
 for physical activities. On top of that, extra
time
work
 might lead to a shortage of
time
 for joyful activities
such
 as reading and going out.
Undoubtledly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, it may well lead to
burn
Wrong verb form
burning
show examples
 out which is adverse for mental
health
. To conclude, there are
definitaly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 some benefits of extra working
hours
such
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional development and increasing of a
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
as a result
.
However
,
health
 is
fmuch
Correct your spelling
much
 more important than money and promotion. So, it is essential to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in balance to stay
phisically
Correct your spelling
physically
 and mentally strong which is impossible if rest and entertainment are neglected.
Submitted by Lera93.smol on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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