IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport
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Different strokes for different folks. A good Sport should be a source of entertainment both for the participants
as well as
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 for the spectators. Some individuals argue that some
sports
Use synonyms
 activities should be legalized.
This
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 is mainly because it is not safe for human beings.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, others think that people have all the rights and they are independent to take part in any game activities.
This
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 essay
shall intend
Wrong verb form
intends
show examples
 to delve into both views and will elaborate on my perspective in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, some hazardous
sports
Use synonyms
 like bungee jumping, scuba diving, rock climbing and so on are very dangerous and cause serious injuries. To explain it, some people open a business in a hill station for the money but they do not have good trainers and are oblivious about the negative effects of adventure games.
Due to
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this
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, sometimes tourists suffer from perilous injuries.
For instance
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, a recent survey in SGL hospital, Shimla showed that 70% of folks in the emergency department are accidental cases and the reason behind
this
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 scene is reckless motor car racing.
However
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, dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 are recreational activities for some communities. They are crazy to ride as it removes their stress and relaxes them. One piece of evidence for
this
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Cambridge University revealed that during bungee jumping, the company has the rule to fill
the
Change preposition
out the
show examples
 application form and
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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 participants say that the reason why they choose to do is just for fun and to get themselves away from their boring life.
Consequently
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, the government should think out of the box and make some strict rules and regulations for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society so that nobody is injured during any ride
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a well-trained mentor who knows about the advantages and disadvantages of desperate
sports
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate, it can be seen that
sports
Use synonyms
 play an imperative role and there are multifarious rides which are very harmful and
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 a big scar on the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of human beings. So, it is recommended that
this
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 should be followed in an organized way so that everyone would have access to it effortlessly.
Submitted by prabhjotkaur9520 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses the prompt directly and discusses both views thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas and use clear transition words to create better cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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