With an increasing overweight population some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses. To what extent do you agree?

#population #people #universities #sport #module #courses

According to the rise of the number of

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

people

, some

people

believe that

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

courses should be included in

universities

courses for all

degree

Fix the agreement mistake

degrees

show examples

. I firmly believe that

this

is an excellent way to solve

this

problem. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my idea.

Firstly

sport

plays an important role

for

Change preposition

show examples

improving

one

's health, so in order to lose

weight

Add a comma

,weight

show examples

one

should do more

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

. By enforcing all students to

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

courses will give them a lot of benefits.

However

, the direct result that they will receive is being fit and firm.

For instance

, some

universities

students did not care about going to the gym or playing sports. They just focused

Change preposition

show examples

studying, and they sat all

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

Consequently

, they gained

weight

Therefore

universities

should promote and require all students to play

sport

Add an article

the sport

a sport

show examples

in order to get rid of

this

issue.

Secondly

, studying at

universities

Correct article usage

the universities

show examples

level

is difficult. It may cause

the

Correct article usage

show examples

high

level

stress

. Many researchers revealed that

stress

was

one

of the key factors that led

people

gaining

Change the verb form

to gain

show examples

weight

Nevertheless

one

can reduce the

stress

level

by playing sports.

For example

, playing soccer with friends can help

people

to be more relaxed. It will

stregthen

Correct your spelling

strengthen

both physically and mentally.

Thus

universities

should add

this

course as a compulsory module to reduce

level

Add an article

the level

show examples

stress

. In conclusion, it is

the

Change the article

show examples

good idea for

univerisities

Correct your spelling

universities

to add

sport

mandatory

Add an article

a mandatory

show examples

course, since it could lead to many benefits

such

weight

loss, healthy, and reducing

stress

Therefore

, I totally agree with

this

idea.

Submitted by kanokwann.joy on Sat Nov 20 2021

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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With an increasing overweight population some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses. To what extent do you agree?

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Research into new medicines and treatments is essential. Should this research be paid for by private companies or by the government?