IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 6.5

Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Do You agree or disagree?

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
Sports
 has long been around since ancient times. While a number of
people
 believe that it is essential in a community,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 assume that it is no more than a mere hobby. I disagree and think that physical activities are an important asset in
a
Remove the article
apply
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society.
To begin
 with, sporting events elevate life qualities. Numerous
people
 gather together to play games
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 magnifies each other’s relationship.
For instance
, a football game consists of eleven
player
Change to a plural noun
players
show examples
 and to win the match, trust and teamwork is required.
Thus
,
sports
 can cause the town folks to become closer and cooperative.
Additionally
, if the city has
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 own
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 game or team
that is
 famous worldwide, it can attract tourists and boost the economy. To elaborate more detail, Manchester in England
is know
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is known
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 for the football team. Many
people
 visit the city to watch the match being
Correct article usage
a player
show examples
player
Replace the word
played
show examples
 which is beneficial for the locals.
Furthermore
, physical activities uplift
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 well-being. Exercising and moving causes the
Correct your spelling
heart rate
show examples
heartrate
Correct your spelling
heart rate
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 to raise; it is necessary for maintaining
a
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apply
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good health. To be precise, playing basketball for children or casual jogging for adults generate a
highfitness
Correct your spelling
high fitness
 level. The results can be seen in future years because
people
 will have a stronger immune system to fight off diseases or illnesses. Another reason is
sports
 produce energy for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilians.
People
 become more active and engage in their daily lives resulting in higher-level
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
. To illustrate, after exercising, a baker can invent creative desserts
such
 as lemon tart cupcakes with raspberry fillings. The energy
also
 provides happiness to each
persons
Change to a singular noun
person
show examples
. To summarize,
sports
 are necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 society since it contributes to healthy lifestyles and relationship. I believe that it is a major source of connection to
people
 in a community.
Submitted by IngIng on

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