Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while others think that this world makes them more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some

people

believe that some young citizens are becoming dependent upon their families. Others think that some of them are developing themselves into

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

independent

intellectual

Fix the agreement mistake

intellectuals

show examples

. In

this

essay, I will expatiate on both sides, along with the writer’s own point of view. There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now.

Firstly

life

is more complex and difficult, especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically.

Secondly

people

seem to be ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of

life

for their families.

This

means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care. We become too much dependent on our parents when we are born. Starting from going to school, studying and

then

to household chores. If these tasks are not done with

guidance

Add an article

the guidance

show examples

, problems may arise in our later

life

For example

, before entering the job phase or living alone can be terrifying if we have no experience of performing household chores daily.

However

, I would agree with those who believe that

people

are more independent these days. Modern society and individual independence are

also

closely linked. More and more youngsters are seen to be leaving their parents’ houses and moving to other cities to live alone and study or work. The major decisions of one’s

life

, regarding education, career, marriage, building a home, are all taken by

people

themselves according to the

life

they choose to lead. Another factor in

this

growing independence is technology, which allows us to work and from any part of the world. In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that

people

now depend on each other more, my view is that we are more independent than ever.

Submitted by akrammum12 on Sun Nov 21 2021

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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