IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, even though employees who spend
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 at a job than normal, can bring economic
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
, It could lead to social with negative results. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
people
Use synonyms
 must have better work and
life
Use synonyms
 balance, while they should spend some
time
Use synonyms
 for
life
Use synonyms
 enjoyment.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 age group must create balance for their career and living as they always struggle with work pressure. Having appropriate job
hours
Use synonyms
 can bring many benefits rather than high economic achievement
such
Linking Words
 as
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 health situation, and strong family engagement. Japanese
people
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are always working for more than 12
hours
Use synonyms
 per day which could lead them
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fatigue and other related mental depression. In 2015, it accounted for over 1 million
people
Use synonyms
 diagnosed with
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of mental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of them have no kid or even doublet.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it appears that longer working
hours
Use synonyms
 can follow wealth and fortune to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, employers must provide a good working environment
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is suitable for working
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 own pace.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, spending
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 amusements that they enjoy give
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
chance to live in present.
This
Linking Words
 is because relaxation and satisfaction are
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 to feel that we can breathe and move
such
Linking Words
 as a hobby or free activities. Without those leisure
time
Use synonyms
 which allows us to think freshly,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to feel stuck in tasks right behind their job desk or just snuggling sofa with deep tiredness after long working
hours
Use synonyms
. While there is no question about
value
Add an article
the value
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 of high financial achievements, it is clear that we,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, should sell our times for some
life
Use synonyms
 happiness to possibly feel
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, It is illogical to say not to work long
hours
Use synonyms
 to get succeed in finance, to suggest that organizing
time
Use synonyms
 properly for both
life
Use synonyms
 and career,
also
Linking Words
 for some
life
Use synonyms
 comfort. I recommend that not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
pursue economic success without low
life
Use synonyms
 quality and consume
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for yourself.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • working hours
  • economic success
  • negative social consequences
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • mental health
  • work-life balance
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • staff turnover
  • social inequalities
  • economic disparity
  • quality of life
  • extended work hours
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