Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals

Much controversy has been aroused over the topic of

people

's independent level. While many

people

believe that

people

become reliant on others, I suppose that

people

are free and independent in modern life. Discussed below are the reasons supporting the two opposing points of view, followed by my personal opinion. On the one hand, the main reason why

people

become more reliant is that the development of society requires cooperation.

First

, to develop the economy, cooperation among

people

, companies and countries has become an essential tendency. Since individuals or organizations can affect both positively and negatively on each other, a dependent relationship is found.

Besides

this

, technology, transportation and personal items are asked to get higher quality.

This

leads to most careers in manufacturing being more complicated and no individual can cover all steps to make the final products.

For instance

, in the automotive industry, there are many steps to produce a car

such

as design, manufacturing, marketing and selling. A designer cannot create their products if they do not have discussion and support from skilled workers who directly make each part of the car.

As a result

, all members of society are more dependent on each other.

On the other hand

, it is believed that

people

are less dependent due to the positive changes in education.

To begin

, because of the hectic life, children are sent to kindergarten when they are only 10 months or 1 year old.

Thus

, children are more independent and less reliant on their parents.

In addition

this

, in higher education, students are often encouraged to do part-time jobs by their parents and schools with the purpose of enhancing their experience and covering their living expenses.

Also

, nowadays, there is a tendency of taking a gap year after high school graduation. In more detail,

instead

of attending university immediately, many youngsters take one gap year to work to save money, get experience and learn soft skills. For the aforementioned reason, it is believed that the individuals in current life are more confident and independent. In conclusion,

although

people

become reliant because of the requirements of careers, I personally think that the changes of educational methods support

people

to be more independent.

Submitted by hbui19982016 on Tue Nov 23 2021

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interconnected
globalization
remote work
independence
dependency
specialization
professional services
social validation
individualism
self-reliance
collective action
sustainability
global community
navigating
complexity
environmental movement

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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