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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

One of the consequences of the improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expentancy is increasing. Do yo think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

One of the consequences of the improved medical care is that
people
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 are living longer , and
life
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expectancy
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 is increasing. Do you think the advantages of
this
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 development outweigh the disadvantages In recent years, there has been a constant debate about the effect of medical
advancement
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 on the lives of
people
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. Most
people
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 believe that the
benefits
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 of medical
invention
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 outweigh its
drawbacks
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 because of the increase in
life
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 span and an experienced and knowledgeable workforce,
while
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 others opine that it has a negative impact
due to
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 its
drawbacks
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 ,
such
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 as straining healthcare and national
resources
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. I strongly agree with the former perspective , which states that the
benefits
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 of medical
advancement
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 outweigh its risks. There are various
benefits
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 of medical inventions to mankind. One of the major
benefits
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 is the opportunity to pursue a skill or career.
For example
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, A person diagnosed with stage 1 cancer can live a good and successful
life
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 by receiving the treatment ,
such
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 as radiation.
Also
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, the vaccines created through medical research can be used to prevent dangerous diseases.
This
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 shows how medical
invention
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 and
advancement
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 provide
people
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 with opportunities to learn new skills, pursue hobbies and contribute to society. Another major benefit is increased
life
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expectancy
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. With the recent medical inventions, the
life
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expectancy
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 of
people
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 has increased. Many
people
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 are given more time to spend with their families and loved ones, which strengthens family bonds and relationships.
Overall
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 ,the
benefits
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 explained above are the reasons why I strongly believe the
benefits
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 of advancements outweigh their
drawbacks
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. Admittedly , there are some
drawbacks
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 that can't be ignored. One of them is the strain on the healthcare and national
resources
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. As we know, older individuals require more medical care and support , which may put a strain on the health system and its
resources
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. To illustrate
this
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 , A recent study showed that most developing countries do not have the
resources
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 to take care of the ageing population.
Furthermore
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, the increased
life
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expectancy
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 rate may have a negative effect on the workforce of the economy because there will be fewer jobs available for young
people
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,
hence
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 creating economic problems for the country.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the consequences of medical
advancement
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 cause a strain on the healthcare sector, workforce and national
resources
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 of the country. I strongly believe that the
benefits
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 of medical
invention
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 still outweigh the
drawbacks
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 because medical
invention
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 leads to an increased
life
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 span, opportunities to pursue dreams and
overall
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 development of the country

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structure
Plan a clear answer before you write: state your view, then give two or three reasons, and end with a short conclusion.
content
Give one or two strong examples for each reason, and explain how they show the advantage or disadvantage.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to make sentences easy to read.
structure
Use clear topic sentences and keep each paragraph about one main idea.
content
The writer shows a clear stance on the issue.
structure
There is a good overall plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence
There are some linking words to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • medical care
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • aging population
  • healthcare
  • family
  • relationships
  • skills
  • hobbies
  • society
  • workforce
  • economy
  • retirement
  • job availability
  • economic challenges
  • illnesses
  • quality of life
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