IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

All the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same number of holidays in a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #company #holidays #year
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The idea that all
employees
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 in a
company
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 should get the same
number
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 of
holidays
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 every year is debatable.
While
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 treating
everyone
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 equally is important, giving
everyone
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 the same
holidays
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 can be complicated.
Firstly
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, giving
everyone
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 the same
number
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 of
holidays
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 can make the workplace feel fair and inclusive. It shows that the
company
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 values
everyone
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’s time and well-being equally, no matter their role or how long they have been with the
company
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.
This
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 can boost morale, reduce resentment, and make
employees
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 happier and more productive.
Secondly
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, having the same
holidays
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 for
everyone
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 can make it easier for the human resources department to manage leave. It simplifies scheduling and reduces mistakes, making it easier to follow
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 laws.
This
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 benefits both
employees
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 and the
company
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.
However
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, there are good reasons against giving
everyone
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 the same
holidays
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. Different jobs have different levels of stress and responsibility. Senior staff often work longer hours and have more demanding roles. Giving them extra
holidays
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 can help prevent burnout and keep them productive.
Additionally
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, giving more
holidays
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 to
employees
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 who have been with the
company
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 longer can reward loyalty and experience. It can make long-serving
employees
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 feel appreciated and motivate newer
employees
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 to stay longer, knowing they will get more
holidays
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 as they continue with the
company
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. In my opinion,
while
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 equality is important, giving
everyone
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 the same
number
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 of
holidays
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 may not be the best approach. A better way might be to have a basic
number
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 of
holidays
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 for all
employees
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, with extra days for senior roles and long-serving
employees
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.
This
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 balanced approach can be fair
while
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 recognizing the different needs and contributions of
employees
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.
Submitted by waleedal3ayed on

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task achievement
You've presented a well-rounded argument, but incorporating more specific examples could further strengthen your position. Providing some real-world instances where companies have successfully implemented varying holiday allowances would be beneficial.
task achievement
While your ideas are clearly presented, they could be more comprehensively detailed. For instance, discussing how different departments might require different holiday plans could add more depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the introduction slightly to provide a more detailed overview of the debate. This can help set the stage for your argument more effectively and engage the reader from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and flows smoothly from one point to the next. Each paragraph transitions well into the next, which enhances the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've included both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective and adds depth to your essay. This helps in showcasing your ability to consider multiple viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and provides a nuanced perspective, which ties the essay together nicely.
task achievement
Your writing is clear and conveys your ideas effectively. The language used is appropriate for the topic and helps in articulating your points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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