In many countries, women join the army as men do. However, some people argue that the army solely needs males. What is your opinion?

#countries #women #army #men #people #males

In several countries recruiting

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

to their military force but a certain number of the public against

this

decision.In my opinion, it is an appreciable movement taken by the government to admission

girl

Fix the agreement mistake

girls

show examples

to the armed forces.

First

and foremost,

this

enforced law has been decreasing the discrimination between the opposite sex in

community

Add an article

the community

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since it proves that a gentlewoman can do whatever a man can.

Moreover

,most of the girls show interest to be a part of a strength and they have been trying to prepare for it since the school level.

For instance

, in India, the government implemented a rule to empower the ladies society to come forward in any

filed

Correct your spelling

field

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without

feel

Wrong verb form

feeling

show examples

any hesitations and

this

became a leap moment in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

history and many girls are being in the military effort since

then

Secondly

, nowadays many organizations head positions led by the girl because they are really confident to handle a crucial situation like a man.In many regions given strict order to appoint noblewoman staff in a significant designation in the forces like army,navy and airforce because of they realised that it would be a remarkable decision to the association which become more powerful in the world.

On the other hand

, a small number of

civilization

Fix the agreement mistake

civilizations

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debating

Wrong verb form

debated

show examples

and strongly disagreed on

this

decision since they think that it is ridiculous time because there need physical

challeging

Correct your spelling

challenging

challenge

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

are very much than other works and

this

would not handle by a gentlewoman

thus

may become to reduce the strength of a team.

For example

, one of the debator pointing that

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

last

war that happened in Turkey, the force was led by a girl but she couldn't handle the situation properly and it became lost. In conclusion,there are many positive sides to recruiting a lady to the force and it surpasses the negative side.In

this

century, the girls are shining everywhere and it must happen for the coming days.

Submitted by rahul.gauri00 on Thu Nov 25 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, women join the army as men do. However, some people argue that the army solely needs males. What is your opinion?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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