IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products.do you think this is a positive development or negatively development?

In some countries, there is a trend that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets give money to
schools
Use synonyms
 in order to promote their products.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there are more positive points
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development. The first aspect to point out is that
schools
Use synonyms
 will be able to maintain their environment if they are supported by local shops.
For example
Linking Words
, preparing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the materials for lessons is vital in order to provide students with an adequate education.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the onus is on
schools
Use synonyms
 to provide pupils with a safe environment.
However
Linking Words
, they cost a fortune. In
this
Linking Words
 case, it is beneficial for both educational facilities and students to be supported by their local shops. Another important issue is that some families have financial problems
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some of them may not be able to attend classes.
For instance
Linking Words
, if restaurants and supermarkets invest in a school even though it is for the sake of their promotion, education fees will decrease.
As a result
Linking Words
, students will be able to have equal education as their human
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 experience will help children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn how to help each other.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are more positive aspects of investing in educational institutions. When
schools
Use synonyms
 are supported by local shops, educational facilities will
also
Linking Words
 be able to help their pupils. As far as I am concerned,
this
Linking Words
 is the best way of educating children on the importance of helping each other.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Give both sides. State your view clearly in the intro and end with it in the conclusion.
structure
Add a clear plan for each paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main idea with a topic sentence.
language
Use simple and direct language. Avoid long phrases. Give real or possible examples that fit the idea.
structure
Make links between ideas with words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so' to help flow.
content
Be careful with facts. If you say costs fall, give a reason or proof.
structure
End with a short closing that restates your view.
content
There is a clear idea that this helps schools.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
coherence
Some points work with the main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: