IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The government should reduce the budget on the arts and spend more funds on education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #budget #arts #funds #education
Nowadays many
people
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 about the finances of the
arts
 and
education
. Some
people
 think that
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 section will be more effective
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 on the
arts
, whereas others believe reversely. I partially agree that the
government
 decline the funds on the
arts
 rather than
education
. On the one hand, there are reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 spending finances on the
arts
 more.
Firstly
, enjoyment exhibitions, art and history museums
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 creative. The public can be inspired by admiring numerous artistic works
in particular
 places.
Moreover
, they
also
 can get rid of
tress
Correct your spelling
stress
show examples
 and take a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 hobby by individuals or with other
people
.
Secondly
, the
government
 should preserve the property of a
nation
. In art or history museums, there are enormous cultural
heritages
Correct your spelling
heritage
show examples
 of a country.
For example
. if the
government
 promote and encourage that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to get
Correct article usage
the interest
show examples
interest
Change the verb form
interested
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them by investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
arts
, citizens will know the knowledge and
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 influences on
education
.
On the other hand
, I
also
 agree that a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using budget on the
arts
. It is
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 that
education
 is the key property of a
nation
. In
education
, there are many subjects
such
 as
mathmetics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
, languages, science and so on.
For instance
, in many
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
, they propel various contests to encourage students.
Besides
, the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
 is more effective. The
government
 should spend funds on
education
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing documents, experiments and other resources to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
education
 rate of a
nation
.
Thus
, the notion that the
education
 rate is high means that the economy of a
nation
 has a possibility to be high. In conclusion, while spending funds on
arts
raises
Change the verb form
raise
show examples
 creativity and can maintain the legacy, it is unavoidable that
education
 is
key
Add an article
the key
show examples
 property and the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
 is more effective.
Submitted by hongpepe124 on

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