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Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should reduce the budget on the arts and spend more funds on education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about the finances of the
arts
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 and
education
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. Some
people
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 think that
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 section will be more effective
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 on the
arts
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, whereas others believe reversely. I partially agree that the
government
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 decline the funds on the
arts
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 rather than
education
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. On the one hand, there are reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 spending finances on the
arts
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 more.
Firstly
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, enjoyment exhibitions, art and history museums
makes
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make
show examples
people
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 creative. The public can be inspired by admiring numerous artistic works
in particular
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 places.
Moreover
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, they
also
Linking Words
 can get rid of
tress
Correct your spelling
stress
show examples
 and take a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 hobby by individuals or with other
people
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.
Secondly
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, the
government
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 should preserve the property of a
nation
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. In art or history museums, there are enormous cultural
heritages
Correct your spelling
heritage
show examples
 of a country.
For example
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. if the
government
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 promote and encourage that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to get
Correct article usage
the interest
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interest
Change the verb form
interested
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them by investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
arts
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, citizens will know the knowledge and
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 influences on
education
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.
On the other hand
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, I
also
Linking Words
 agree that a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using budget on the
arts
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. It is
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 that
education
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 is the key property of a
nation
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. In
education
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, there are many subjects
such
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 as
mathmetics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
, languages, science and so on.
For instance
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, in many
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
, they propel various contests to encourage students.
Besides
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, the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is more effective. The
government
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 should spend funds on
education
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with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing documents, experiments and other resources to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
education
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 rate of a
nation
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.
Thus
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, the notion that the
education
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 rate is high means that the economy of a
nation
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 has a possibility to be high. In conclusion, while spending funds on
arts
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raises
Change the verb form
raise
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 creativity and can maintain the legacy, it is unavoidable that
education
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 is
key
Add an article
the key
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 property and the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is more effective.

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