Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Individuals' dependency in the contemporary world has been argued by members of society. There are mixed opinions about
this
topic, while many
people
think that in
this
age and day human beings are less dependent on each other, others think the opposite. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will discuss both sides and state my view. It is undeniable that the invention of the internet and social media has a considerable influence on its users, especially the young generation. The trend of flexing perfect, flawless and affluent life goes viral on the internet, along with beauty standards being set by the models and actors/actresses leading many
people
to extreme decisions namely plastic surgery, or fake up their life.
Furthermore
, the baby-boom generation is
also
surrounded by the internet and technology that help them to live a more convenient life that they may not survive without. These facts are showing how vulnerable and dependent
people
nowadays are.
By contrast
, there are figures proving that
people
are more independent compares to the past. Research pointed out that more than 70% of
people
move out and set up their own lives by the age of 18, while only 40% was recorded in the
last
decade. Asian countries, which are famous for getting married early and living in the extended family,
for example
, has witnessed a lower married rate in the
last
20 years owing to the fact that woman in
this
society is more confident and do not need a man to cover for her. If they received more education, they would be more independent and free.
Therefore
this
is now a trend in Asia of career-minded women. In sum, while the mental health of
people
in modern society is manipulated by a lot of marketing, advertisings and social media, they still show positive signs of being self-determination.
Therefore
, I am more inclined to believe in the self-rule and independence of
this
generation.
Submitted by tanguyenhuongtra on

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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