IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#today’s #world #companies #government #conduct #research
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There is a controversial statement heating a debate over whether a majority of scientific exploration should be funded and implemented by private corporations
instead
Linking Words
 of the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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. Obviously,
this
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 phenomenon has both pros and cons; yet, it is likely to do more good than harm to society in general and individuals
in particular
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. In terms of private
companies
Use synonyms
 conducting
such
Linking Words
 research, they are more predisposed to financial incentives.
In other words
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, they are primarily driven to boost profits.
As a result
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, without gaining surplus, few enterprises are willing to shoulder a huge financial burden and would require the public to pay
for
Change preposition
apply
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a prohibitively exorbitant price with a view to being accessible to their resultant products. By doing so, private enterprises are capable of covering their expenses
as well as
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 ensuring their revenue.
For example
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, were vaccines resistant to Covid-19
such
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 as Pfizer or AstraZeneca produced exclusively by a nationally acclaimed private company, they will no longer be offered free to everyone like right now.
Therefore
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, that most scientific studies are cashed in and conducted by private corporations puts strain on consumers. Despite the aforementioned setbacks, private
companies
Use synonyms
’ allocation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 scientific research is of tremendous benefit since it would alleviate the financial burden of the state’s coffers. Evidently,
such
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companies
Use synonyms
 have to pay for the scientists who take part in the research
as well as
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 purchase a variety of top-notch infrastructures
such
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 as constructing laboratories.
Consequently
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, a colossal cost is required to carry out these studies effectively. Should the authorities have to pay all these related expenses, it will lead to an alarming budget deficit.
Hence
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, with the financial support of the
companies
Use synonyms
, authorities' state coffers can avoid suffering from being overexploited. In conclusion,
although
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 a large amount of money in conducting exclusively most scientific studies by private
companies
Use synonyms
 acts as a disturbance to purchasers, it is still reasonable for
such
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 enterprises to run them on grounds that they could share the financial burden of the government’s budget.
Submitted by hoctotnha on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central topic that is then developed with specific ideas and examples. Although the essay touches upon relevant points, it lacks a profound exploration of specific examples to bolster the main arguments effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim to cultivate a more seamless flow of ideas and ensure logical sequencing throughout the essay. While the introduction and conclusion are present, transitions between points can be more polished, and paragraphs should be organized in a manner that demonstrates clear logical progression of thought.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, but remember that a strong conclusion also reiterates the significance of the argument in a broader context.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • groundbreaking technologies
  • efficiently allocate resources
  • innovative projects
  • strict timelines
  • profit motives
  • basic research
  • commercial application
  • corporate funding
  • biases in research
  • unbiased exploration
  • balanced exploration
  • public sector
  • private sector
  • synergy
  • comprehensive outcomes
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