IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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There has been a contentious topic about the fact that
businesses
, apart from making a good profit,
also
 have to be responsible for the well-being of society. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 statement
due to
 the fact that the lack of responsibility of firms and
cooperations
Correct your spelling
corporations
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 can have a detrimental effect on the environment
as well as
 the salary of their
workers
. First and foremost, the outcome of
businesses
 only focusing on maximising their profit can have a negative effect on the environment. Researchers from Harvard University have found out that the waste created by factories is one of the main reasons for the alarming environmental situation that the world is facing right now.
Therefore
, it is pivotal that
businesses
 contribute their effort to protect the natural habitat.
This
 can be done by reducing industrial waste
as well as
 producing products that are friendly to the environment.
Secondly
, in the process of maximising their profit, firms will try to cut down on their expenses, leading to a decrease in the income of
workers
. A prime example of
this
 matter is the fact that many international corporations choose China as their manufacturer because of the cheap labour cost.
Hence
,
workers
 are paid a minimum wage, which is just barely enough to cover their cost of living.
Thus
,
businesses
 should consider not only the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 but
as well
Rephrase
also
show examples
 the well-being of their employees. In conclusion,
in addition
 to making money,
businesses
 should
likewise
 take responsibility for ensuring the well-being of society.
This
 can be achieved by protecting the natural habitat and providing higher wages for their
workers
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Your response is well-rounded and addresses the question directly, taking a clear stance on the topic. To elevate your task response, consider exploring more diverse aspects of social responsibilities that businesses can undertake. For example, mention corporate philanthropy or ethical business practices.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical and effective structure, making it easy to follow your arguments. To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each point in your paragraphs logically leads to the next, and consider using more sophisticated linking devices.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the essay, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points while reinforcing your stance.
supported main points
The main points you discuss are well-supported with relevant examples, making your arguments compelling and clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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