IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theatres and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government to fund?

#people #money #amenities #museums #theatres #art #festivals #society #areas #government #fund
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Taxpayers
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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of
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about
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 the way their money
used
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is used
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 by
government
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the government
a government
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for
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apply
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almost every day, as their view that the world authorities should worry more about other activities.
However
, to say that politics should regard
this
 one issue as their main priority may be a rather simplistic view, as more important things
deserves
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deserve
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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greater attention. Admittedly, it is correct that
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 aspects should be supported, but not as the greatest concern.
Additionally
, by focusing on
this
 topic to the exclusion of others we run the risk of neglecting a range of others, equally grave challenges. Notwithstanding, cultural developments
raises
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raise
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 the moral foundations of
nation
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a nation
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, upgrading critical thinking. Foremost among these, other important funding areas appear to be the question of diplomats, by which I mean the importance of
other sector
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another sector
other sectors
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such
 as education
It
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If
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this
 problem is not addressed; we potentially face the collapse of
human
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the human
a human
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being
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beings
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 as a developed
nation
 and
consequently
 giving up positions in the most developed countries list.
For instance
,
kazakhs
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Kazakhs
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dissatisfied
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are dissatisfied
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 with the decision of
government
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the government
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 to spend 230 milliard dollars on
Expo
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the Expo
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 in Dubai, when the issue of overload classes in every school is continuous to be open.
As a result
, if funds helped to build new schools,
depression
Correct article usage
the depression
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 level would be ceased on several points. Another considerable direction that money supports, which is at least equal to knowledge is the need to enhance
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 sector, which again would enable to provide the
nation
 with the modern equipment, cure diseases an easy way and
raise
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raises
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 strong children. A good illustration would be upgrading all hospitals in Kazakhstan, so efficiency
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 would simultaneously arise
as a result
. Overall, cultural aspects are not the most important aspects and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should not stay among other main sectors
such
 as education and health.
However
, it should be seen as one among a range of issues to be solved, and the solutions themselves could lead to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 balance of taxes from the
nation
.
Submitted by sabina.tazhibeko on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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