IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say the government should give the health care the first priority, while others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are varying opinions regarding how
governments
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 should allocate public funds collected through taxation.
While
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 some people believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should always receive the highest priority, others argue that investment in areas
such
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 as education and economic
development
Use synonyms
 may sometimes be more important. In my opinion,
although
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 is fundamental to social stability, funding priorities should ultimately depend on a country’s most urgent needs and stage of
development
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. On the one hand, many people believe that
healthcare
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 deserves the greatest share of public spending because maintaining public
health
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 is essential for the normal functioning of society, ensuring that citizens have access to quality and affordable
healthcare
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 is crucial for maintaining public
health
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 and safety, which directly impacts the
overall
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 well-being of a society.
For instance
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, providing unpaid
healthcare
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 helps sick individuals get the treatment they need, which prevents diseases from spreading and becoming epidemics. Without good
health
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, people cannot fully participate in daily activities, work, or contribute to their communities, so they cannot have a fulfilling life. From a different perspective,
however
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, others argue that
governments
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 should not always place
healthcare
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above all
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 other sectors, particularly in developing countries where economic and educational systems remain underdeveloped. In
such
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 situations, investing in education may generate broader long-term benefits because a well-educated workforce can improve productivity, stimulate economic growth, and increase national tax revenue. With stronger economic foundations,
governments
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 are
then
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 able to provide better
healthcare
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 services in the future.
For instance
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, countries that prioritise education and workforce training often experience faster economic
development
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, which allows them to improve both public services and living standards over time.
As a result
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, supporters of
this
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 perspective believe that funding priorities should vary
according to
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 national conditions rather than focusing exclusively on
healthcare
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. In conclusion,
although
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healthcare
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 is undoubtedly essential for protecting public
health
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 and maintaining social stability,
governments
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 should not automatically treat it as the highest spending priority in every circumstance. In countries facing economic or educational challenges, directing greater investment towards long-term
development
Use synonyms
 may ultimately produce broader social benefits, including stronger
healthcare
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 systems in the future.
Therefore
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, public spending priorities should be determined
according to
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 the specific needs and conditions of each society.

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coherence cohesion
Make your first body part easier to read. One very long sentence can feel too full. Split it into two or three shorter ones.
task achievement
Use one clear example with more detail. Your examples are good, but they are still a bit general.
coherence cohesion
In the first body part, say your main point once in a direct way, then explain it. This will make your idea stronger.
task achievement
You answered all parts of the task, but your own view can be even more direct in the body parts, not only in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas follow a clear order, so the reader can understand your argument well.
task achievement
Most main points are explained well and stay on the topic.
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