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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that travelling abroad is necessary while others believe it's not because TV and the Internet can give people the same information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tv #internet #information
People
 have different opinions about travelling to other countries. Some groups of
people
 believe that it is necessary to travel abroad,
while
 another group do not agree with it, as
people
 get
such
 types of data from different resources
such
 as TV,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and so on.
Although
 it is possible to access to the various parts of the world via
devices
 and networks.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
consider that it is not an alternative to travelling. There are various reasons why many
people
 prefer to travel
Change preposition
to
show examples
foreign countries. First of all, I think that we get more pleasure when we are visiting abroad and it is incomparable to get
information
 from electronic
devices
.
Secondly
, these
devices
are limiting
Wrong verb form
limit
show examples
 the vision of view,
while
 if you want to get detailed
information
 about any country,
such
 as local
people
, meals, climate, customs and traditions, but you can not taste it or it is impossible to observe these
people
 or their customs.
At
Rephrase
Finally
show examples
last
, I believe that long journeys are not only appropriate for obtaining
information
 about somewhere but
also
 meant to be amusing events, different tours, new friendships,
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 tastes.
On the other hand
, there are justified reasons for themself who support travelling abroad is unimportant. Primarily, they
Add a missing verb
are
show examples
Based on
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 idea that all
information
 is accessible with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
devices
.
Then
, there is the main issue is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 trips to another country
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very costly and there are difficulties
such
 as
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 a visa,
to book
Change the verb form
booking
show examples
 a ticket, to
reserve
Wrong verb form
reserving
show examples
 a hotel room
on the contrary
 there is no additional cost for getting data from TV or Internet. In conclusion,
although
, it might seem achievable for everyone
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
use virtual
devices
 for travelling,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I personally prefer visiting abroad
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the intention
to gain
Change preposition
of gaining
show examples
 real pleasure.
Submitted by hermajestykhuri on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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