IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior
A group of individuals argues that TV and PC
games
 have brought violence to our community, whereas others claim that these trends are not related to people’s behaviour. I believe that in most cases these electronic devices have serious negative impacts on
society
. It is my view that violence in media has negative effects on
society
 and brings mental issues
such
 as anxiety. In fact, aggressiveness is promoted as a normal action in which people especially youngsters copy those actions they watched on TV or video
games
. To illustrate that there is some evidence showing that many youth criminals confessed they wanted to be like a movie character. So, they repeated their role models' actions that they saw in that movie. Despite
this
, playing video
games
 and watching violent programs on television can shape teenagers’ character because of the reason that their characters are not firm completely. Since youths find these programs and entertaining, they spend most of their time on them. Owing to the charm of these programs, it can negatively shape their character.
For instance
, teenagers who are not monitored by their parents to spend less time on media are more likely to have harsh and rude behaviour.
Also
, they will most likely be an aggressive person in the future. In conclusion, while some people think that TV and computer
games
 have not affected our quality of life in
society
, in my view these technological devices have worsened our life because they impress the young generation’s manner directly and indirectly. Being aggressive leads to have an insecure
society
.
Submitted by bamdad.aminzadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: