IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #buildings #ones
It is proposed that a higher priority needs to be given to the preservation of particular ancient monuments compared to others. I fully support
this
 assertion based on factors as valid as the level of historical and monetary values that they possess. My firm belief that more
attention
 should be paid to certain historical sites is attributed to several sound arguments, with the most reasonable one being much greater significance
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
world-famous ones like
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
show examples
 Mahal or Hagia Sophia
carry
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
thus
 necessitating more
attention
 and increased preservation. Historically, the former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has served as a symbol of pure affection and devotion
while
 the latter has played a crucial part in
Islamic
Add an article
the Islamic
show examples
 world since the Ottoman Empire, promoting religious concepts of integrity, honest living, and faith. From an economic standpoint, these attractions of historical pride have a global appeal for tourists, bringing in higher visitor attendance and a great deal of revenue.
This
 money, in turn, could be allocated to maintaining the heritage
as well as
 attracting more visitors who would get to know about diverse cultures and stories behind the creation of great historic sites, ultimately promoting them to the world outside.
Furthermore
, focusing on the large-scale conservation of all ancient structures seems all but impossible. Since
such
 buildings are prone to wear out
due to
 a wide range of factors, be it human-induced or natural as seen in the case of erosion of rocks because of acid rain, they command a huge source of income.
This
 financial burden on the state budget proves problematic given other more important sectors which need government funding like healthcare, medicine, and education,
consequently
 leading to improper or inadequate conservation initiatives or even to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ignorance as a whole.
This
 might take necessary
attention
 away from protecting historical sites of greater value and leaving them unnoticed. Even worse is when it contributes to the loss of cultural heritage.
That is
 why prioritizing quality over quantity - placing greater emphasis on the protection of particular ancient landmarks - is essential. In conclusion, I completely advocate the notion of more
attention
 paid to
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 some physical structures of ancient significance based on the sensible arguments mentioned above.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and aligns well with the rest of the essay. However, it might benefit from a bit more detail to fully capture the reader's attention.
logical structure
Continue ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that your points flow logically from one to the next. This makes your essay easy to follow and understand.
supported main points
While your essay is well-supported with reasons and examples, adding more varied examples could give it greater depth and richness.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
Your main points are logical and well-supported with relevant examples, showing a deep understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You maintain clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay, making your arguments easy to understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: