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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more people are emigrating from developing countries to developed countries. What the causes of this trend are and how it could be mitigated?

#people #countries #trend
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Immigration
Use synonyms
 from less developed
countries
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 to developed
countries
Use synonyms
 is increasing more each day.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend is, facilities of developed
countries
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, life expectancy in developed
countries
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 and
job
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opportunities
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. To mitigate
this
Linking Words
problem
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countries
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 should hold each other's hand and start to
aid
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 and build up less developed
areas
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.
Immigration
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 from lowly developed
areas
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 to highly developed
countries
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 usually happens because there are no
job
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opportunities
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 in low developed
countries
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.
As a result
Linking Words
 of no
job
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
opportunities
Add a comma
,opportunities
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of money. They cannot do shopping,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the economy doesn't grow in these
countries
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. Due to the poor economy and economic facilities, the education
system
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 stays unqualified.
Unqualified
Correct article usage
An unqualified
show examples
 education
system
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 raises untalented individuals. Untalented individuals do not
succee
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in creating work
opportunities
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 and do not become successful in their work life.
Health
Correct article usage
The Health
show examples
system
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 in less developed
countries
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 is another issue.
People
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 who live in non-grown
areas
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 usually have a hard time reaching medical
aid
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 and health care.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 cannot get the right treatment because one doctor would have to take care of many patients. To mitigate
this
Linking Words
immigration
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problem
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, developed nations should come together and start a project to advance non-developed
areas
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.
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Immigration
Correct article usage
The immigration
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 shall be carried to the United Nations and should become
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main topic. Educational reform should be done in non-developed
countries
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. Professional teachers should be imported from greater
countries
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 to educate individuals. Economical
aid
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 should be done to less advanced states and these
countries
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 should be supported in the global market.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, medical supply will be helpful to these
countries
Use synonyms
.
Medical
Correct article usage
The medical
show examples
system
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 should be reorganized
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of greater states and new hospitals should be built. In conclusion, more
people
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 are immigrating from less developed states to developed ones.
Wave
Add an article
A wave
The wave
show examples
 of
immigration
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 has many reasons. It's mostly caused because
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 standards are really low in non-developed
countries
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 and
people
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 have no
job
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opportunities
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.
Deficiency
Correct article usage
The deficiency
show examples
 of the education and health
system
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 is another cause of
immigration
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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, developed
countries
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 should hold the hands of less developed
countries
Use synonyms
. Medical, economical and educational
aid
Use synonyms
 should be done to these
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by senayx on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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