IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that it would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both this views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
gyms
Use synonyms
 services should be developed and has a positive impact on public
health
Use synonyms
 while others argue that there are some other factors that should be attention. In my view, the number of
gyms
Use synonyms
 cannot be an acceptable reason that can improve public
health
Use synonyms
 and other factors namely, a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 and sedentary lifestyle are significant points that should consider them. On the one hand, growing the
sports
Use synonyms
 amenities is able to remedy public
health
Use synonyms
 and persuade
people
Use synonyms
 to register in some
sports
Use synonyms
 classes.
In addition
Linking Words
, when citizens go to
gyms
Use synonyms
 and do a vigorous workout
that is
Linking Words
 more sufficient and help them to have a healthy
body
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, celebrities are healthier than ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 due to they have a private coach and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 at the
gyms
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, improving
sports
Use synonyms
 services can persuade
people
Use synonyms
 to moderate regular
exercise
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other citizens argue that other actions can be more important than improving
gyms
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
, having a poor dietary habit can be effective in public
health
Use synonyms
 due to nations should consume a variety of ingredients and have a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 to develop their
body
Use synonyms
 .
Second
Linking Words
, the government can raise the awareness of society and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to alleviate their sedentary lifestyles.
For instance
Linking Words
, children become addicted to watching television and
this
Linking Words
 habit can cause obesity in them.
Thus
Linking Words
, doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 and having a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 can maintain their
body
Use synonyms
 safe and improve the
health
Use synonyms
 rate of the community. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
, developing
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities can grow public
health
Use synonyms
 ,in my view other factors like regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 and having a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 can be maintained our
body
Use synonyms
 healthier and can improve public
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shahimari73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: