Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #form #beings

The world is currently facing the 5th mass extinction of

animals

due to

climate change. Some people are of the opinion that the world should save these

animals

from being completely wiped out,

however

, others want to focus on real-life problems faced by individuals.

This

essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why conserving these innocent creatures is of pivotal importance.

Firstly

, we humans,

ourselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, are connected to wildlife through different means.

Animals

play a significant role in regulating the natural system of Earth.

For example

, lions balance the population of deer and many other herbivore species by preying on them. If big cats become extinct, there will be an abundance of species of plant-reliant

animals

which is unfavourable to mother nature.

Thus

, humans need to conserve wildlife so that the ecosystems of our planet will not be disturbed

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

which in turn saves us from starvation.

On the other hand

while

people have their own problems to deal with,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

what they are not aware of is that the human race is

itself one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

to blame for all the damage that has been caused.

For instance

, human-induced industrialisation, unequal distribution of food, developments, increased fuel vehicles on the road, and livestock farming

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

all rapidly changing the Earth’s climate at a faster rate; global warming has disturbed our agriculture, increased drought and famine worldwide.

Hence

, the occurrence of all these issues is predominantly because of the human population and strategies should be devised to curtail these problems. In conclusion, humans and

animals

always co-existed. Despite human beings having their own issues, it is imperative to save wildlife from extinction because

animals

are crucial for our own survival as well.

Submitted by parvezshehzeen on Tue Nov 30 2021

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Task Response

Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides an indication of your opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is strong, and your ideas are well-organized. Work on strengthening your introduction and conclusion to create a more cohesive essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Your opinion

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