Family has a great influence on children’s development. However, the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children’s life. Do you agree or disagree?

One of the main
role
Change to a plural noun
roles
show examples
on
children
of growing
is
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
household’s condition but we have to pay a little attention to outdoors
impacts
on
children’s
flourishment. I agree that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
influences, so indoors and outdoors, can
be impact
Change the verb form
be impacted
be impacting
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children’s
physical and
mental
Change the adjective
mentally
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of scholars have been searching and doing variety
experiences
Change preposition
of experiences
show examples
on
Add an article
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
about
children’s
development
since
eighteenth
Add an article
the eighteenth
show examples
and nineteenth
century
Fix the agreement mistake
centuries
show examples
. More precisely,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interesting measure is
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
of
children
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary science. Either family or environment can be more impact on
children’s
mental
development
.
Firstly
, we have to identify a primary
development
for
children’s
growing due to household’s influence is exaggerated by our society. When every child
commence
Change the verb form
commences
show examples
to observe or absorb
firstly
on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
and everything, he/she is getting numerous information from his/her family. According to
psychological
Add an article
the psychological
show examples
and financial condition of generation commence
to determine
Change the verb form
determining
show examples
a child’s future life and primary attitudes. If we follow a modern
searching
Replace the word
search
show examples
about
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of people will observe that the child who grows in
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
family is more kind, friendly, justice,
exc
Correct your spelling
etc
.
On the other hand
, we have to demonstrate the influence from outside in
children’s
life. I consider that if the family is a role of foundation for
children
, out
impacts
is the most essential for obtaining success what connect with future. While
children
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
going to kinder garden or other places, they have been a chance for communicating with others. More preciously, during
children
communicate each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, abilities
of speaking
Replace the preposition
to speak
show examples
, explaining, listening start to flourish for them due to out influences is one of the main
impacts
for
development
. To conclude, we must be cautious and careful for growing
children
and try to avoid
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
negative
impacts
. Because they are our future.
Submitted by abbasoveli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional and psychological development
  • foundational stone
  • external influences
  • diverse perspectives
  • digital media
  • peer pressure
  • social circles
  • intellectual development
  • structured knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural and societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: