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Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
Education plays a very key role in an individual's life, an educated person is considered an asset to any society. It is believed by few people that youngsters should attain complete education until they become 18 years old. I partially agree with
this
 and in
this
 , essay I will discuss the possible reasons to support my opinion.
To begin
 with, the key reason to provide full-time classes to adolescents is the ample amount of career opportunities they will have in future. Those who secure a good rank in their senior secondary exams are always given preference in renowned universities for pursuing higher schooling and once they complete their higher science, they eventually become eligible to apply for many positions in the private and government sectors.
Moreover
, a graduate student makes more money than a non-graduate and leads a better quality of life.
For example
, my neighbour who has done his masters from a reputed university is earning a handsome amount of salary from a multinational corporation.
However
, the importance of vocational training is no less than a degree course. Youngsters, who do not belong to affluent families need to do odd jobs in order to complete their discipline. In these circumstances, vocational training
prooves
Correct your spelling
proves
show examples
 as a boon to
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
, who do not want to go
further
 in their academics and want to start earning money just after completion of school learning.
For instance
, the security guard in my office could not complete his discipline and enrolled himself in skill-based training and now he is working at a very young age and earning a decent amount of remuneration.
To conclude
, I believe that full-time education brings more career opportunities for a person
while
 the scope of professional growth is always limited in vocational training.
Submitted by kr15.lalit on

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task response
Include more specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas are clearly linked and that the essay follows a logical structure. You can do this by using linking words and phrases more consistently throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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