IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people argue that if children behave badly they parent should accept responsibility for the behaviour of children. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #children #parent #responsibility #behaviour
Some people think that
parents
 should be held liable for the misbehaviour of their children. I completely agree with
this
 statement because most of them imitate the behaviour of their mom and dad and
this
 can help decrease the number of juvenile crimes.
Parents
 should accept the liability for any wrongdoing of their offspring because most children are only imitating their actions. The brains of kids are not yet fully developed which is why they have not yet fully grasped the concept of right and wrong. Their actions are based on what they see on their mom and day and most of the time they copy the things that they say and do.
For instance
, some killers admitted that they were neglected and molested by their
parents
 when they were little which is why they did the same to other people.
In addition
 to that, making
parents
 liable can
also
 help lessen the number of juvenile crimes. If
this
 kind of law is imposed, guardians will work hard to teach their offspring good manners and right conduct in order to avoid being sent to jail.
This
 can instil fear in
parents
 and
as a result
, they will always ensure to be good role models for their kids in order for them to grow as good members of society.
For example
, if
parents
 encourage their children to donate to the less fortunate, these kids will likely get involved in volunteering when they grow up.
Thus
, holding
parents
 liable for the misdemeanour of their offspring can help lower the lawbreakers in society. In conclusion, I agree with putting the liability on
parents
 for the bad behaviour of their kid because a child only imitates the actions of their mom and dad and
this
 can
also
 lower the number of juvenile crimes.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to stay focused on the question throughout the essay. While providing examples and explanations, tie them directly back to how they support your agreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Strive for more varied sentence structures and transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability and flow. This can include using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences and more varied transition words or phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state your position and summarize your arguments. A precise thesis statement in the introduction and a succinct restatement of key points in the conclusion can strengthen your essay’s clarity and impact.
task achievement
Whenever possible, include more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. While the examples you've provided are relevant, deepening the details or context could make your arguments more persuasive and illustrative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • environment
  • instilling
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • influence
  • negate
  • individuality
  • act out
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • broader societal issues
  • solely
  • community
  • social institutions
  • overly accountable
  • stress
  • unfair blame
What to do next:
Look at other essays: