IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
The number of new building
devices
 and
tools
 is expanding,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 their prices are rising too.
Firstly
, there is a growth of technological inventions and smart
tools
, gadgets.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 the inventors and scientists work out and invent new gadgets,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
phones, digital equipment.
Thirdly
, rich people want to live in smart houses, they have
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
 to use new digital items to develop their businesses. They set goals to make their lives more convenient via using new technologies, which allow them to spare
time
, to correspond with partners quickly. Rich people buy their children the latest models of
Iphones
Correct your spelling
iPhones
, laptops not because of the reason to stand out,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 their aim is -
time
.
Time
 is money, money is
time
, they say. New
devices
 do not require
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 much
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seeking information, communicating with foreign friends. a lot of children study abroad and wish to see their
familys
Correct your spelling
families
family
 and talk to them, the increase of new technology
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 to connect with each other in any country they are.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the distinction between rich and poor population is growing too.
Familys
Correct your spelling
Family
Families
 with low income (salary) can not allow
themselfes
Correct your spelling
themselves
 modern technologies.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they can take credits and buy any digital equipment. There is a big variety of credits
offerring
Correct your spelling
offering
 by banks now. And there are
also
 discounts proposed by trade Marks. The
sedantary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 demands a lot of things in offices and the offices must have
hightechnologies
Correct your spelling
high technologies
 to compete with other companies. The demand of population
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficient
tools
 and
devices
 is growing too. Development of new
hightech
Correct your spelling
high tech
high-tech
 is an index of the country growth too. It must not stop, it must be invested and extended. To sum up,
although
 the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 of the number of
hightech
Correct your spelling
high-tech
high tech
 sequences the distinction between the rich and the poor, the modern technologies must be invented according to the requirement of the world. People must take into consideration that there
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 possibilities to buy appropriate
devices
 and
tools
.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: