IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems, and how could they be reduced?

#people #levels #violence #films
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The
problem
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 of
violence
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 is increasing nowadays. That
problem
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 which was debatable has now become more controversial with many people
deem
Wrong verb form
deeming
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 that high levels of
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violence
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violent
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scene
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seen
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on
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in
show examples
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movie
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the movie
a movie
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 which is the main reasons
of
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for
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social
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a social
the social
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problem
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. In my opinion ,
this
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problem
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 is the biggest
problem
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 for society as well as
children
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.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate
possible
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on possible
show examples
solution
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solutions
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of
Change preposition
to
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this
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problem
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. There are myriad reasons why people believe that
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 scenes
is
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are
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social
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a social
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problem
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 for
community
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the community
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due to
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apply
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children
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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 easy
to
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apply
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influence by action
movie
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 and they are used to seeing superhero movies which have totally based on
violence
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 as their aggression level would be increased.
As a result
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 ,
children
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 are fighting among each other for
small
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a small
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thing
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things
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 are watching
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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type
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types
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 of
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movie
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movies
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that is
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 why they would badly behave
to
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with
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parents
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 as well as older people.
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Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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 scene influenced their behaviour like
children
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 who are screaming for
toy
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toys
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 and more
stubborm
Correct your spelling
stubborn
 on account of behaviour change. All these problems
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are faced by
parents
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 who deem that
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 films
is
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are
show examples
 the main reason behind
this
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problem
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. Step deal with
this
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problem
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 is many but the most
partical
Correct your spelling
practical
 solutions
is
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are
show examples
 that
parents
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 should strict on
children
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 what they watch on tv and internet.
Parents
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 who would apply some privacy and restriction to the setting of the application on mobile. So
children
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 opened
application
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applications
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 like youtube that time they do not watch
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
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 because of the restriction.
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Second
Change the article
The second
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 one is that some rules of
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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 like
children
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 movies can not reason include
violence
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 should be made by
government
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the government
show examples
 . These solutions
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are helpful for reducing the
problem
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. To conclude, according to the argument one can reach
conclusion
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the conclusion
a conclusion
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 that
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problem
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the problem
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 of violent films can be successfully addressed, provided that the
above stated
Add a hyphen
above-stated
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 measures are taken.
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: