IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employers should give staff at least four weeks holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#employers #staff #four #weeks #holidays #year #employees #jobs
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In the contemporary epoch of globalization, the labour market has undergone a significant transformation. A wide range of individuals are convinced that managers should give their workers a noticeable holiday of not less than four weeks per year.
This
 can be reflected in their
work
. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 argument.
To begin
 with, employees nowadays are struggling
due to
 the major amount of burdens and commitments that they impose.
Therefore
, they should have a good break to increase productivity.
Moreover
,
this
 holiday will make them spend better quality time with their peers. They can travel with their family to have delightful moments with them. One of the sparked instances is Ambani Khan. He is the co-founder of Ambani Khan institution. He compensated his employees with incentives and provided them with a fully paid trip to Japan
due to
 their hard
work
.
However
,
this
 much time of holidays can make people sluggish and inactive. They have been away from
work
 for a long period, and
this
 makes them away from the market and not updated with what happening.
For instance
, when an employee in the England exchange company was away from
work
 and when returned back he sold a lot of market stock,
thus
 the company bankrupt
due to
 his recklessness. Despite understanding
this
 point of view, I cannot agree with it. In order to preserve and increase the outcomes, the organization should foster their staff by giving them more holidays. All in all, from what has been discussed above, the government should play a vital role in
this
 issue. It should play a balanced role by preserving companies' profits and protecting their employees.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically. Consider using more linking devices to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Some ideas could be developed further. Ensure each point directly supports the main argument and consider expanding on your examples.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, framing the argument well.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task and presents a clear stance on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • rejuvenate
  • efficiency
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • stress
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • job satisfaction
  • employee retention
  • turnover rates
  • physical health
  • sick leave
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
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