IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#services #companies
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Health
Use synonyms
 care matters is a very imperative
sector
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however
Linking Words
 some
individual
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individuals
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urgued
Correct your spelling
argued
urged
 that
health
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services
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 should be managed by companies that are up for business.As far as am concerned
i
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I
show examples
 disagree with
reason
Add an article
the reason
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 being that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
services
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 will be very expensive and there will be
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
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 of interest between
Use synonyms
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
 and the facility.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
services
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 would be very costly for a
low income
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low-income
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 earner
patient
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 to seek
services
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 from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 facilities
thus
Linking Words
 the
mortelity
Correct your spelling
mortality
 rate will be very high in the community as people will seek
services
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 from other
unreable
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unreliable
 sources
such
Linking Words
 as
herbalist
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herbalists
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.
For example
Linking Words
,in 2020 it was reported that in the
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 newspaper that 80% of
kenyans
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Kenyans
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 patients with insurance visit private
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
 despite representing
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 small number in the country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is prudent
health
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 be affordable to the public,
this
Linking Words
 is because it is a basic need.
Secondly
Linking Words
,there is
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
the conflict
show examples
 of interest between patients and the facility
such
Linking Words
 that
patient
Use synonyms
 needs will be taken into depending on what a
patient
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 can afford.
In addition
Linking Words
,the facility will put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 making
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profit
Add an article
a profit
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 rather than taking care of the
patient
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such
Linking Words
 that
Use synonyms
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
 will only receive full
services
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 depending on what he/she can afford.
For example
Linking Words
,in 2018 it was reported in star times that only 10% of
kenyans
Change the capitalization
Kenyans
show examples
 cancer patients received complete treatment despite 90%
goes
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 without complete
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
 due to inadequate resources.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is indispensable not to have
Use synonyms
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 company run
health
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sector
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 as
patient
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 needs will not be met. To sum up,
patient
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 needs will definitely be met with affordable
health
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sector
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 with
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 being run by
Use synonyms
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 companies and
this
Linking Words
 will not be achieved
this
Linking Words
 is because the priority of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 companies will be
profit
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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