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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#services #companies
Health
 care matters is a very imperative
sector
however
 some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
urgued
Correct your spelling
argued
urged
 that
health
services
 should be managed by companies that are up for business.As far as am concerned
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 being that
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
services
 will be very expensive and there will be
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
show examples
 of interest between
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
 and the facility.
Firstly
,
services
 would be very costly for a
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 earner
patient
 to seek
services
 from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 facilities
thus
 the
mortelity
Correct your spelling
mortality
 rate will be very high in the community as people will seek
services
 from other
unreable
Correct your spelling
unreliable
 sources
such
 as
herbalist
Fix the agreement mistake
herbalists
show examples
.
For example
,in 2020 it was reported that in the
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 newspaper that 80% of
kenyans
Change the capitalization
Kenyans
show examples
 patients with insurance visit private
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 despite representing
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 small number in the country.
Therefore
, it is prudent
health
sector
 be affordable to the public,
this
 is because it is a basic need.
Secondly
,there is
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
the conflict
show examples
 of interest between patients and the facility
such
 that
patient
 needs will be taken into depending on what a
patient
 can afford.
In addition
,the facility will put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 making
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 rather than taking care of the
patient
such
 that
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
 will only receive full
services
 depending on what he/she can afford.
For example
,in 2018 it was reported in star times that only 10% of
kenyans
Change the capitalization
Kenyans
show examples
 cancer patients received complete treatment despite 90%
goes
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 without complete
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
 due to inadequate resources.
Therefore
, it is indispensable not to have
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 company run
health
sector
 as
patient
 needs will not be met. To sum up,
patient
 needs will definitely be met with affordable
health
sector
however
 with
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
sector
 being run by
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 companies and
this
 will not be achieved
this
 is because the priority of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 companies will be
profit
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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