We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries

Some

people

believe that we should help our society rather than other

countries

and communities

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when we have too many

people

who need help and support. I partly agree with

this

view, because I believe that helping

people

is the most important issue among different

countries

. On the one hand, there are

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

people

who live in each country that need help. You can see

that disadvantaged and impoverished

Change the determiner

that disadvantaged and impoverished person

those disadvantaged and impoverished people

show examples

people

in every

societies

Change to a singular noun

society

show examples

, even in the wealthiest

countries

. These

people

may

be not have

Change the verb form

not have

show examples

any food or clothes and the rich can support them easily.

For example

, by donating

this

food or clothing we can solve the initial poor's need.

People

can

also

spend a little amount on

this problems

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

to charities.

On the other hand

, I believe that boundaries should not be an obstacle

for

Change preposition

show examples

helping poor

people

all over the world. In my opinion, in some

countries

may

be exist

Change the verb form

exist

show examples

some individuals who need the simplest things

such

as pure and clean water or even food.

For instance

, in African

countries

children suffer from curable diseases or they have

malnourish

Replace the word

malnourished

show examples

. It is clear that we should priorities our

people

and our society, but in these

cases

Add a comma

,cases

show examples

we can help

people

beyond our borders

with

Change preposition

show examples

donating some money to international charities in order to solve

such

simple problems. In conclusion, I believe that we should support everyone who needs help whether they are our fellow citizens or they live in other places over the world and even in our neighbourhood.

Submitted by TUTOO on Fri Dec 03 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global interconnectivity
international cooperation
ethics
moral obligation
geographical borders
diplomatic relations
economic stability
global security
resource allocation
expertise
international aid
dependency and development
sustainable solutions
local and global initiatives
community resilience

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We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. What are the most serious problems associated with obesity and what solutions can you suggest.

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

As a part of their education, many students work at a company for a short period of time without a salary. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this?