We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some
people
believe that we should help our society rather than other
countries
and communities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when we have too many
people
who need help and support. I partly agree with
this
view, because I believe that helping
people
is the most important issue among different
countries
. On the one hand, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of
people
who live in each country that need help. You can see
that disadvantaged and impoverished
Change the determiner
that disadvantaged and impoverished person
those disadvantaged and impoverished people
show examples
people
in every
societies
Change to a singular noun
society
show examples
, even in the wealthiest
countries
. These
people
may
be not have
Change the verb form
not have
show examples
any food or clothes and the rich can support them easily.
For example
, by donating
this
food or clothing we can solve the initial poor's need.
People
can
also
spend a little amount on
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
to charities.
On the other hand
, I believe that boundaries should not be an obstacle
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
helping poor
people
all over the world. In my opinion, in some
countries
may
be exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
some individuals who need the simplest things
such
as pure and clean water or even food.
For instance
, in African
countries
children suffer from curable diseases or they have
malnourish
Replace the word
malnourished
show examples
. It is clear that we should priorities our
people
and our society, but in these
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
we can help
people
beyond our borders
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
donating some money to international charities in order to solve
such
simple problems. In conclusion, I believe that we should support everyone who needs help whether they are our fellow citizens or they live in other places over the world and even in our neighbourhood.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: