IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers #🔸discuss
Success
 means different things to various people. How it can be measured is debatable. While some individuals believe that those who have huge earnings are more successful, others think that
scientists
 and teachers who work for the benefit of everyone should be considered the most successful. I concur with the latter and
this
 essay would be describing the two views in detail. On the
one
 hand, people who are in favour of
success
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 attributed to how much money
one
 has in the bank do so because of the lavish lifestyle they show off. Usually, they drive the best of cars, live in very huge mansions ,attend celebrity parties and update their profiles on social media for all to see. Meanwhile , a good number of them are miserable from divorces to cheating on spouses,
in addition
 to overindulgence in alcohol/drugs . In 2012, research showed that divorce and separation were more likely to occur among celebrities compared to individuals who are not in the spotlight. The amount of money
one
 has should not be a measure of his/her
success
 as we only get to see the external features and not the internal ones.
On the other hand
, the enormous development and advancement seen in the world today
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 largely due to the effort and contribution of teachers and
scientists
. People in these professions work round the clock to ensure the world is a better place. While teachers strive to impact knowledge right from elementary level to postgraduate education,
scientists
 are daily striving to make new discoveries for our adaptation and advancement. A good example would be the break out of the Covid-19 virus. Since the beginning of
this
 pandemic ,
scientists
 have been trying to find out ways to understand the virus and develop vaccines against it. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 they should be considered as successful for their immense and sacrificial contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To conclude,
although
success
 can be defined by the amount of money
one
 makes, it is important to
also
 consider the individual's contribution to society which for me is greater
success
.
Submitted by ijeomaonwere on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: