IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think it is necessary to use animals to test medicines or products intended for human use. Others, however, criticize this as animal cruelty. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #animals #test #medicines #products #cruelty
It is thought by a selection of individuals that it is worthy to
use
 creatures as samples to operate medicines or goods
instead
 of using humans,
while
 others believe that it is not necessary to torture those
animals
. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion which is the former is the best option for humanity.
To begin
 with, there are plenty of benefits
using
Change preposition
to using
show examples
 creatures to
test
 and the most significant is that we can acknowledge the consequences. To elaborate
further
, researchers can be able to grasp and comprehend the results of their experiments on living things, not only on the laboratory plates.
Moreover
, some
animals
 have almost the same sensitivity as humans and
therefore
 researchers can adjust their formulas easily, suiting for humans. An apt illustration of
this
 is that a piece of news I read said that many laboratories in my country
use
rabbits
 as
test
 subjects because their ears are as sensitive as human skin and
hence
 when they get allergic, researchers can notice easily and will reduce and adjust chemical formulas again. On the other side of the coin, we will be in the dark if we do not
use
animals
 as specimens to learn and study. To explain in greater detail, individuals cannot see the aftermaths or any harmful effects of medications and products which in turn leads to bad injuries or loss of life.
Furthermore
, creatures
such
 as rats,
rabbits
, etc. give birth throughout the year and
thus
 there are enough of them to bring into
test
 laboratories or pets. To specifically demonstrate, In my country, it is a fact that we
use
rabbits
 as specimens for medicines;
however
, our communities still have farms to reproduce and sell them in pet markets as well.
In addition
, there was a time when the government restricted the
use
 of
animals
 as
test
 subjects contributing to many people
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 and
caught
Wrong verb form
catching
show examples
 illnesses. All in all, using living things
such
 as rats,
rabbits
, etc brings a lot of advantages to our lives as they can help manufacturers to understand outcomes;
additionally
, what can we
use
 to operate and see results if we do not
use
 those little things and those upcoming and untested medicines will be tested on individuals directly.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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introduction
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of what will be discussed. However, you could make it stronger by briefly stating why each viewpoint will be discussed.
conclusion
While your conclusion sums up your arguments effectively, it would benefit from a more definitive statement reinforcing your opinion. Be assertive in your conclusion to give a strong final impression.
clarity
Ensure clarity in idea presentation to avoid any potential confusion. Some sentences could be rephrased for better fluency.
examples
While your examples are relevant, try to vary them. Using different sources will make your argument more comprehensive and impactful.
coherence
You maintained a good logical structure throughout the essay.
structure
Your essay contained a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
examples
The essay provided relevant examples to support your main points, which helped clarify your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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