IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers #🔸discuss
Some
individuals
 think that
people
 who gain a lot of funds are succeeded more than
others
;
However
,
others
 say that
people
 who contribute to the community ( like researchers or instructors) are the most successful. In the following ,lines it will be illustrated the two points of view. On the one hand, nowadays, with the enormous development in technology, the majority of
people
 believe that the one who earns a lot of money is considered a successful person. To illustrate, success is measured in some of the specific factors that assist to improve the community in several fields.
For instance
, the media platform is the major reason which it can affect positively or negatively on
people
 particularly in teenagers stage;
Hence
, many of these adolescents used that platform in order to get money ignoring what are these topics that they are provided to society.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believed that the
individuals
 who participate in
others
 in the community like scientific
people
 or teachers succeed more than
others
. Learning considers an integral part of the development in all successful countries.
For example
, The huge expansion countries are constructed on the essential of educational
people
 who are sharing their knowledge and experience to build their countries in various domains;
therefore
, they are the most successful
individuals
. In conclusion, there are two views about who are the most successful
individuals
, either one who can get a lot of money is a successful person or researchers and educationalists are successful
people
. In my perspective view, I believe that
people
 who are able to share their experiments and skills in many majors would develop their country and government;
therefore
, these
individuals
 are considered the most successful
people
.
Submitted by haninelhosary12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: