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Band 4

Some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
Some individuals hold an inclination that child, in the contemporary era, is accessing more
freedom
 than ever before. If questioned, I firmly agree
to
Change preposition
with
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such
 a notion. My preference is justified
further
 in the subsequent paragraphs. Several underlying reasons could be attributed
for
Change preposition
to
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 my statement, the first and foremost is parenting traditions.
In other words
, parents are providing
freedom
 which was not used to done by them 3-4 decades ago
due to
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
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 illiteracy rate among them. The educated parents of
today
 understand
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the room and time
children
 need for their personal development.
Besides
this
, technology has
also
 played a major role
behind
Change preposition
in
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this
 trend. A half of
century
Correct article usage
a century
show examples
 ago, civilians did not have certain gadgets or network technology through which they
can
Verb problem
could be
show examples
 aware of new things or activities conveniently. The only source for external things they had
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 either their surroundings or
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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.
As a result
, they were unable to change their typical parenting mentality following the skills. Another reason in
this
 regard is
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational
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 system. The practices which used to occur in the past times to gain primary knowledge or even higher education
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 quite different than
today
. To elaborate, The teachers previously were allowed to punish or beat a kid for their hazardous behaviour or exceptionable acts.
This
 attitude of tutors
is
Verb problem
has
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 vanished in
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 time because it is considered as a violent or unpleasant step for
children
.
Resulting
Wrong verb form
As a result
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, kids of
today
 are not fearful of their educators
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 them higher level of
freedom
.
On the contrary
,
this
 may not be so always, because
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of variability seems higher. As per one article published in 2019, out of 100
%
Add a comma
%,
show examples
only 5% of parents had little high concern towards their
children
 which makes them stricter.
To conclude
,
although
 there are certain studies that
contradicts
Change the verb form
contradict
show examples
 the phenomena of
children
 having more
freedom
today
. My view on
this
 is optimistic because of evolving civilization
along with
 technology
such
 as
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.
Submitted by vihit007 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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