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Band 5.5

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

#malls #shops #development
Some decades ago our parents bought bread and cakes at the bakery, vegetables and fruits in the market, salt and sugar in the grocery, etc. These days more and more small shops and markets are
demolished
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being demolished
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 and in their
places
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places,
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 new big shopping centres are
built
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being built
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.
Although
this
 tendency has some negative sides, I believe that
this
 is a positive trend. One of the main benefits is that people do not need to waste much time
for
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apply
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shopping but can buy necessary food, clothes, electronics and even materials for
repairment
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repair
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 or building in one place.
This
 means that a lot of brands of clothes or shoes can be found on only some floors.
For example
, one of the biggest trade centres in Europe - Aviapark is situated in Moscow where around 300 well-known world brands are located in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 area
more
Change preposition
of more
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 than 200 thousand m2. Another positive development is the good infrastructure inside and around large shopping malls. Usually, these places are far from accommodations and people come there by car for which there are huge parking near and under malls. Most families,
for instance
, in Moscow come not only for shopping but to spend time in the cinema or food court or to bring their children to the entertainment centre. In conclusion,
this
 is no doubt that nowadays very often small shops are replaced by more popular large shopping centres.
While
 there are some negative issues of these changes, I accept that I believe that benefits do
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the drawbacks.
Submitted by ivk73 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but try to vary your linking words and sentences for better cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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