IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Rich people often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Comments about the task: 1. An opinion essay 2. You must say how much you agree or disagree 3. Totally agree 4. Corruption 5. Bad economic policies Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #countries #poverty #aid #comments #corruption #policies
Underdeveloped
countries
 are often supported by rich
countries
 in terms of
money
, ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it is not the solution for poverty.
Consequently
,
countries
 that are developed should give other support
instead
 of providing financial aid. I completely agree with
this
 notion.
First
 of all, there is a famous saying from the His Highness the Aga Khan that if you want to help a person who needs your support
then
 it would be better if you make them learn a skill rather than giving funds because
money
 is a materialistic thing which is only for a limited time but skill will always remain with a person until he dies. In my view,
firstly
, developed
countries
 should support poor
countries
 related to education. I think illiteracy is the root cause of poverty. The government of rich
countries
 must hire some of the professionals who would go to various
countries
 in order to provide services and educate the people who are illiterate.
As a result
,
this
 chain will go on,
hence
 the issue of poverty would be solved.
Secondly
, the people from developed
countries
 came to underdeveloped
countries
 due to which they will have an exchange of
money
.
Thus
 the currency rate will increase. The political parties of poor
countries
 would utilize
this
money
 in the construction of variety to tourist facilities. When the
money
 will exchange
then
 they can build schools, colleges, health centres for the better life quality of people. At
last
, I want to conclude that the worldwide
countries
 which have the power to assist regions that are underdeveloped
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should give several assistance rather than financial assistance.
Submitted by sanireimoo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: