IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more women go out to work. It is the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staffs and facilities to care for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#women #work #government& #responsibility #subsidise #staffs #facilities #care #children #idea
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Nowadays, having an occupation for females is no more a
bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre
 point of view.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should take into account an opinion about the construction of buildings and a system where children could spend some time. In my opinion, I agree that the community must be accomplished with facilities due to the fact that some families have difficulty with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial resources.
However
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, I disagree with the point about the free
Use synonyms
staff
Correct your spelling
stuff
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. Personally, I think that the more option will be provided, the more attitudes will be discovered. Certainly, in modern life,no one wants to be an outdated person.
Moreover
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, everybody searches as many convenient variants in order to cover all planned deals during the day.
For example
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, our country still has parents with no finance to go to the private educational centres. Whereas, as far as I know,state facilities take
rather
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rather a
a rather
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 low cost compared with private. For that reason, the government`s duty is to give a chance to
work
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 for mothers even if they lack money.
Nonetheless
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, I have strong controversy to the point that the
staff
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 should be free as it leads the gaps in quality and disrespecting others
work
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.
For instance
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, if the
staff
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 have been taken
only
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an only
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 salary from the government,
consequently
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, parents might not have been
appreciate
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appreciating
appreciated
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 done
work
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, indeed.
Furthermore
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,
from
Change preposition
on
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 the part of the
staff
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,
also
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, could be some faults because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of understanding. To conclude,
that is
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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obvious thing that more entertaining or educational buildings could significantly ease and change the
life
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lives
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 of busy mothers. But,
every one
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everyone
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 should keep in their mind that every
work
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 done by
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 must be valued.
Submitted by shamshyrakzhanibekova on

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