Some people think that school and government should take responsibility to transport children to school. While some people think that parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Commuting to
school
safely is an important and everyday activity for each family.
Therefore
, there are different ideas about who,
government
, educational institutes or
parents
, is responsible for
this
activity. As far as I am concerned, it is flexible but both sides should take the obligation. In regards to
government
and
schools
, they have a responsibility to ensure the safety of
school
commuting. Undoubtedly, a
school
bus filled with pupils and trusted teachers is much safer than other public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
which are full of strangers with potential dangers.
Moreover
,
this
welfare is
also
beneficial to
parents
who are occupied by daily work. The
school
transport release sufficient time for them to commute to their workplace as they don’t need to take
children
to the
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
Additionally
,
school
transport is
environmental-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
show examples
, punctual and efficient. It is relatively easy to implement by local institutes.
Nevertheless
, some people believe that taking
children
to
school
is a family duty for
parents
as it is a part of education. As some experts stated, the communicating time between
parents
and
children
is less in the recent decade,
while
, the timing for
school
commuting is a good opportunity to hold a family chat. For
parents
, they can get
along with
their
children
and learn what happened in the
schools
.
Furthermore
, since students reside in different places of the city, especially in metropolises, the
government
or
school
must design various routes to fulfil the needs of the majority of
children
. It will inevitably cost a lot. The cost may be better to invest in improving educational facilities and quality. In summary, I think both could be applied.
Government
and
schools
can develop some routes to meet the demand of major younger generation that
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
to
school
safely. Simultaneously,
parents
are flexible in taking their
children
to
school
if they have a more convenient solution.
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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the two opposing views and your opinion. Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt in your response.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally effective, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. However, some areas could benefit from stronger connections between ideas and more varied linking devices.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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