Sports today is turning into a business and there are companies involved that sponsors sports with ever growing prize money for the sportsmen as a part of their advertising. Some people agree to this because it has a good effect on the world of sports, other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In our ever-changing world, it is argued by a group of people that sponsorship for physical games accompanied with increasing awarded money for athletes

come

Wrong verb form

coming

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from enterprises as a means of advertisement is beneficial for the business of sports,

whereas

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, others opine that

this

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trend has adverse influences. From my perspective, I totally agree with the latter statement and the following essay will approach both aforementioned aspects of

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phenomenon. To commence, without

the

Correct article usage

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shadow of a doubt, sports sponsorship with ever-growing winnings provides the athletic business with numerous benefits in terms of thriving development.

As a result

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of receiving valuable cash prizes, sportsmen might have opportunities to register for professional training courses to accumulate myriad sources of useful practical expertise,

hence

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being able to enhance their merits

as well as

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talents.

For example

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, swimming athletes could hire proficient swimming coaches with exclusive educational methods

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with

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their awarded money to improve indispensable skills relating to specific fields,

thus

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becoming top-notch performers. Once these adept sportspersons participate in physical events, there might be a remarkable increase in the quality of these tournaments and the development of the athletic world might ensue. Notwithstanding, I strongly believe that patronage of physical activities

along with

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an accelerating trend of prize money has its unequivocal drawbacks with respect to deception in sporting contests. It is undeniable that rising winnings are likely to lift the competitive spirits of sportspersons in a negative way which might make them become excessively ambitious and obsessive with awards,

thus

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motivating them to utilize ingenious stratagems with a view to outwit their opponents in competitions.

For instance

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, footballers oftentimes have a tendency to use stimulant medicines

such

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as amphetamine to stimulate the activity of their central nervous systems,

hence

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being much physically and mentally healthier than other contestants and able to achieve rewards feasibly. In conclusion, the backing for athletic competitions with accelerating prize cash for competitors as a part of advertising has

perse

Correct your spelling

persevered

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advantages in terms of sports advancement and disadvantages in terms of deceit. Whereupon, the athletic world should take these side effects into consideration to create a better sporting industry.

Phuong AnhTue Dec 07 2021

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language

Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of language proficiency.

task response

Make sure to clearly articulate your opinion in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion to enhance task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Consider using clearer topic sentences in your paragraphs to guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.

content

Good use of examples to illustrate your points, showing a clear understanding of the topic.

structure

Your introduction sets a clear tone for the essay and outlines the topics to be discussed.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

352 words

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