IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #crimes #adults
There is currently a contentious argument over whether punishment should be imposed equally on adolescents. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion because of the inability of young people to pay fines and the lack of social responsibility that they have. The main reason why I believe that youngsters should not be applied the same rules as adults when they breach the law is a financial problem. Children are basically not capable of paying for fines and the fines would be paid by their parents. Parents are considered to be responsible for their child and
therefore
, imposing a fine does not stop teenagers from carrying out crimes. Another reason why I support the notion that punishing the youth in the same way as grown-ups is not effective is due to the lack of recognition of the negative impacts of being put into prison. Adolescents often have very complex feelings and might be in desperation, which could make them take a risk of devastating their future. For them, the possibility of being sent to jail would not change their behaviours. In summary, imposing the same punishments on the youth as adults would not be as effective as adults due to the fact that the systems of punishment do not fit into young people.
Submitted by take_pleasure_seriously4.30 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: