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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people join distance-learning programs and study at home, but some think that it cannot bring the same benefits as attending colleges or universities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Although
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 some people insist that joining learning programs online and studying at
home
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 cannot bring the same advantages as directly attending colleges or universities, I disagree with
this
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 idea.
This
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 is because joining educational courses online is, in fact, more beneficial for many people in saving
time
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, and online courses enable us to manage our schedules more efficiently.
First,
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taking part in distance-learning programs and studying at
home
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 costs us less
time
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; when we consider having a long journey to the halls and classrooms where lectures are taking happen, we can save a lot of
time
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 by skipping the process of heading toward the places. A good example of
this
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 is that amid COVID-19, all conferences and lectures have been cancelled to stop the infection and,
instead
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, they were switched to online meetings and lectures, which enabled many workers and officers, who
otherwise
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 would have had
time
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-consuming journeys to the avenue, to join these activities at
home
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 or at their workplace on
time
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.
Furthermore
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, online courses are more flexible because we do not have to consider their location.
In other words
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, we can focus on arranging the
time
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 schedules according only to each other's schedule because we do not have to compete with other companies for making reservations
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the place.
For instance
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, if we are to arrange a physical study program at a hospital, we have to make sure of each other's schedule
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and book a conference room, and we often find ourselves unable to decide the schedule in the way we wish because the conference room has been already occupied until several weeks ahead.
This
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 is not the case in online studying; everyone can join smartphones, laptops, or desktops anywhere in a good Internet environment. In conclusion,
while
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 some individuals argue that joining distance-learning programs and studying at
home
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 cannot outweigh the benefit of directly and physically attending colleges and universities, in reality, the former produces many more benefits than the latter because it saves
time
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, and the flexibility of schedules makes it much easier for many people to work.

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task achievement
A bit more elaboration on how the time saved translates to other benefits (like reduced stress or ability to take on more subjects) would deepen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining some sentences for even smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
The essay directly addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance, disagreeing with the given statement.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples relevant to real-life situations, such as the impact of COVID-19 on distance learning.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas, leading the reader through each point in a structured manner.
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