IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The family has a great influence on children development but the influence from outside the home play bigger part in children's likes . Do you agree or disagree?

#influence #children #development #home #part
In the modern era , the family play a vital role in
children
's development. It is believed that families have a great
influence
 on
children
 development yet the outside the
home
influence
 play a bigger part in
children
's likes . Outside the
home
 ,
influence
children
 like that
children
 spent less
time
 in the
home
 with their family while they spent more
time
 outside the
home
 with their
friends
 and lovely ones . I completely agree with
this
 notion . To embark on , there are multiple reasons to
influence
children
 from outside the
home
 . My
first
 and foremost reason is that
children
 spent more
time
 outside the
home
 with their
friends
 and lovely ones .
Children
 require education. For ,education
children
 go to school and spend
time
 with
friends
 and teachers .
Secondly
,
children
 play physical games outside the
home
 with
friends
 . To indicate, A survey conducted in Canada proves
children
 spent more
time
 with their
friends
 than family.
Children
 development family
influence
 is less while outside the
home
influence
 is more .
Moreover
 , some
children
 do not contact in
parents
 . Some
children
 are do not have contact
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
parents
 because they focus on their goals that situation
children
 live in P.G or hostels.
Furthermore
 , they have no bonding with their
parents
. In
this
 situation
children
influence
 from outside the
home
 .
For example
 , A survey conduct in India that prove 56 per cent of
children
 live in hostels for their study .
children
 try to achieve their goals ,
however
 , they are far from his family. In conclusion,
although
,
children
 are lack of
time
 to spend their
parents
 while many
children
 do not bound with their
parents
 .
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: