In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Endeavor

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Endeavour

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is the golden key to

success

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. In some countries,

children

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might receive the

message

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that if they try hard, their efforts will

finally

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pay off and help them achieve their goals.

This

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approach has both upsides and downsides, which will be examined in

this

Linking Words

essay. On the positive side, telling

children

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that they can achieve anything with hard work can lead to

success

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in their future lives. It can

instill

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instil

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a belief in their talents and abilities, motivating them to work hard to reach their dreams.

For example

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, a survey conducted among the top students of a prestigious university in Iran revealed that most of them believed as

children

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that anything is achievable through effort, and

this

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belief was the key to their academic

success

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Additionally

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this

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powerful

message

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can make

children

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more resilient in the face of problems. They become more tolerant of setbacks, thinking they can overcome challenges by trying hard.

As a result

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, they are likely to think outside the box and come up with innovative solutions

instead

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of giving up.

However

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, there are

also

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drawbacks to

this

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message

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Children

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may sacrifice their enjoyable childhood moments by constantly striving to improve their skills to achieve their goals. A well-known psychologist expressed that

this

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can isolate them and hinder their social development.

Moreover

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, the belief that hard work guarantees

success

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can sometimes lead to disappointment. Some

children

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may try hard but fail

due to

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a lack of understanding of their abilities or external circumstances. Given their mental vulnerability,

this

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can result in depression, anxiety, and stress. In conclusion,

while

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telling

children

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that they can achieve anything if they try hard can help them become successful and resilient, it can

also

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lead to social isolation and mental health issues. It is crucial to balance

this

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message

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with realistic expectations and support.

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task achievement

You have addressed all aspects of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. To further improve, consider adding more varied examples to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is clear and logical, with a well-defined structure. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows well into the next. To enhance cohesion, use a broader range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more explicitly.

coherence cohesion

You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your discussion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, and each paragraph supports your main points well.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples, like the survey conducted among top students, adds credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays people are able to work from home thanks to technology. Some people say that this is only beneficial to employees, not employers. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, some criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion.