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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
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The subject of showing famous
people
Use synonyms
 on the
media
Use synonyms
 is creating a debate between the public. Some think it is a violation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 privacy,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 others say that well-known persons should afford the cost of their stardom by paying time from their personal
life
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. In my opinion, popular
people
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 should be often given some solitude by all. From
Linking Words
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 side of view, celebrated
people
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 suffer on daily basis from lack of privacy. Actually, journalists tend to follow a celebrity to his house, to his workplace and to public spaces in
order
Use synonyms
 to collect some shocking truth for the public.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
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 may prefer to buy a magazine or a journal with a headline about someone who is considered a perfect ideal to them.
In addition
Linking Words
, many social
media
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 creators are exposing some hilarious or insulting materials in
order
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 to make some profits without considering the feelings or the opinions of the star: subject of these materials. Many influencers are gaining more fame by using others' failures on
virtual
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a virtual
the virtual
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platform
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platforms
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such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the flip side, famous persons are using their individual
life
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 in
order
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 to expand their popularity. Currently, the development of social
media
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 helped many young celebrities to show their daily activities, and their followers are more attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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. Like Cristiano Ronaldo, he is a great football player who was able to show us his
life
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 outside the pitch in an amazing way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some famous personalities make use of
media
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 for their
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
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 shows
such
Linking Words
 as the Kardashian family and Opera.
However
Linking Words
, it is important for me that everyone
get
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gets
show examples
 their free space. In fact, both famous and ordinary
people
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 prefer to have some
solitude
Replace the word
solitary
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life
Use synonyms
 in
order
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 to flee from depression and anxiety. Activities
such
Linking Words
 as
bush walk
Correct your spelling
bushwalk
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, a vacation in
water
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a water
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 villa at the beach or hunting in
wild
Add an article
the wild
a wild
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 forest. In plus,
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 followed all the time will increase the sense of personal insecurity.
People
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 have the right to feel safe in their basic
environment
Change the noun form
environments
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as their home, their workplace, and their
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and the government can’t forbid the
media
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 from doing their job by tracking celebrities’ steps. But they must organize the medias’ activities in a very convenient way for the famous
people
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 in
order
Use synonyms
 to let them enjoy a small personal space
Submitted by eng.ali.hammoud.26 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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