Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In
recent
Add an article
the recent
show examples
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
show examples
,
people
choose to
use
their smartphones when they have leisure
time
,
this
essay will state the
reasons
for
this
and I believe that it is a negative development. On the one hand, there are two key
reasons
for
this
phenomenon. The main reason is because of the advancement of technology. As technology has been developing rapidly, smartphones are becoming more and more common, almost every citizen will own a smartphone nowadays. When they are bored, they
use
their
phones
to play games or watch videos for
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
People
will
then
become addicted and spend most of their free
time
on it. Another reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
we need
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
phones
to stay in contact.
People
can keep in touch with their friends through social media like Instagram and Facebook, it allows us to communicate with friends anywhere and anytime, eliminating geographical boundaries.
As a result
,
people
like to spend
time
to
Change the verb form
using
show examples
use
their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
for browsing social media.
On the other hand
, there are two
reasons
why it is a negative development.
Firstly
, it will reduce real-life interactions. When
people
only focus on their
phones
when they have free
time
, they will not choose to get involved in social activities.
This
will reduce the chance for
people
to meet with their friends or family and it may affect their relationships.
Moreover
, it may affect
people
's health. When
people
are addicted to their
phones
, they may
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
for the whole day without taking a rest.
This
may lead to neck pain or short sight and it will negatively affect their health. To conclude, there are a few
reasons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
people
spend a lot of
time
on
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
essay believes that it is a negative development.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: