The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

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It is generally argued that innovative subjects like IT

technology

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and robot

technology

Use synonyms

should be added to the school curriculum

instead

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of arts,

music

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and choreography.

However

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, these subjects play a crucial role in forming pupils' brain development and imagination

as well as

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calming them down. Admittedly, every subject is much more important for children's lifestyles, including

music

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and art. In fact,

music

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is something that can console everyone in any situation and help individuals to concentrate

as well as

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overcome depression or stress.

For instance

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, in ancient Sparta, boys were taught

music

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and poetry so that they could obtain the motivation to defend their country and relax after wars.

That is

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why nowadays, there is a special song in the army of every country. When it comes to art, if pupils learn how to draw and paint pictures, they will broaden their minds

as well as

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enhance their creativity and imagination. As an example of

this

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view, Leonardo DaVinci invented the first aeroplane scheme by drawing its structure.

Nevertheless

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, in our contemporary world, there has been a great demand for hi-techs over the past few decades.

Therefore

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, most teenagers prefer attending IT courses rather than recreational subjects.

For

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this

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reason, most schools are applying

such

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courses in developing countries. In Japan,

for example

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, every school leaver has to create something new like a robot or software before finishing school.

Otherwise

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, they can not get their qualifications and attestations. In our country, information

technology

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also

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developing rapidly day by day and promotes teaching

this

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subject as an academic value. In conclusion, considering both these views, I strongly believe that arts and

music

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should be conducted with the help of computer

technology

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in schools.

saydusmonovasomiddin94Thu Feb 29 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded upon with detailed examples and explanations. Avoid introducing new points without fully exploring the previous ones.

Coherence/Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.

Coherence/Cohesion

Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your stance and the main points to be discussed. In the conclusion, succinctly restate your position and summarise your main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

employability
curriculum
creativity
innovation
digital literacy
problem-solving
extracurricular activities
cultural appreciation
financial literacy
well-rounded individuals
modern economy
independent living

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

Your opinion

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that technological advancements lead to the loss of traditional cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?