Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people . What physical and mental problems arise from excessive use of these games . How could this problems be reduced .

#doctors #computer #games #children #people

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The problem of

computer

Use synonyms

games

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which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

was increasing day by day. It has now become more controversial with many doctors are deeming that

computer

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games

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occur many

problem

Change to a plural noun

problems

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among

children

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and young

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

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. There are many

problems

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related to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

computer

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games

Use synonyms

will

Correct pronoun usage

that will

show examples

further

Linking Words

elaborate with

possible

Add an article

a possible

the possible

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message

Fix the agreement mistake

messages

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. On one hand, there are myriad

problems

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why doctors are concerned about electronic

games

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but the

first

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and foremost one is that

phiysical

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physical

activity

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are

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reducing to

play

Wrong verb form

playing

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too

much

Correct quantifier usage

many

show examples

computer

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games

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. By these

children

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and young would not want to play outdoor

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activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

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and they prefer to play

video

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games

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at a place.

As a result

Linking Words

, they become lazy and obesity will be increased due to

decrese

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decrease

decreased

outdoor

activity

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For example

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, If young age people are playing

computer

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games

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rather than outdoor

games

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such

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as cricket and football, they would invite decease like obesity.

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Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

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people who are playing more

video

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games

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then

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they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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lost a chance to

social

Replace the word

socialise

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This

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is because they would spend 8 to 10 hours at a place

that is

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why they do not

met

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meet

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new people and not try to become

socializ

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socialized

socialize

social

in their life. Step deal with

problems

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are

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show examples

not complex to neutralise.

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First

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The first

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one is that we need some act like under 18 years

children

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can not play and make some time

limt

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limit

on a

computer

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as well as in

system

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the system

show examples

. It would have a chance to reduce not only playing hours but

also

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stop

to become

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becoming

show examples

Add an article

an addict

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addict

Wrong verb form

addicted

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for

Change preposition

show examples

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

A part

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Apart

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from

another

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another possibel measure

other possibel measures

show examples

possibel

Correct your spelling

possible

measures is that parents can encourage for outdoor

activity

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such

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as walking, playing

games

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and other.

This

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is owing to

children

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can learn about

value

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the value

show examples

phsiyocal

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physical

activity

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. To conclude,

although

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the

problems

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of electronic

games

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are

compler

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complex

, the

solucation

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solution

solicitation

of these is

partical

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partial

practical

and

possibel

Correct your spelling

possible

Change preposition

show examples

real

Add an article

the real

show examples

world. It is helpful for decreasing

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apply

show examples

hours of playing

video

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games

Use synonyms

Submitted by mp960021 on Fri Dec 10 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

312 words

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Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people . What physical and mental problems arise from excessive use of these games . How could this problems be reduced .

The use of social media ,such as Face book and Twitter ,is replacing face_to_face contact with people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other suggestions can you suggest?

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?