Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people . What physical and mental problems arise from excessive use of these games . How could this problems be reduced .

#doctors #computer #games #children #people

The problem of

computer

games

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

was increasing day by day. It has now become more controversial with many doctors are deeming that

computer

games

occur many

problem

Change to a plural noun

problems

show examples

among

children

and young

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

. There are many

problems

related to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

computer

games

will

Correct pronoun usage

that will

show examples

further

elaborate with

possible

Add an article

a possible

the possible

show examples

message

Fix the agreement mistake

messages

show examples

. On one hand, there are myriad

problems

why doctors are concerned about electronic

games

but the

first

and foremost one is that

phiysical

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

are

Change the verb form

show examples

reducing to

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

too

much

Correct quantifier usage

many

show examples

computer

games

. By these

children

and young would not want to play outdoor

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

and they prefer to play

video

games

at a place.

As a result

, they become lazy and obesity will be increased due to

decrese

Correct your spelling

decrease

decreased

outdoor

activity

For example

, If young age people are playing

computer

games

rather than outdoor

games

such

as cricket and football, they would invite decease like obesity.

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

people who are playing more

video

games

then

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

lost a chance to

social

Replace the word

socialise

show examples

This

is because they would spend 8 to 10 hours at a place

that is

why they do not

met

Change the verb form

meet

show examples

new people and not try to become

socializ

Correct your spelling

socialized

socialize

social

in their life. Step deal with

problems

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not complex to neutralise.

First

Correct article usage

The first

show examples

one is that we need some act like under 18 years

children

can not play and make some time

limt

Correct your spelling

limit

on a

computer

as well as in

system

Add an article

the system

show examples

. It would have a chance to reduce not only playing hours but

also

stop

to become

Change the verb form

becoming

show examples

Add an article

an addict

show examples

addict

Wrong verb form

addicted

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

video

games

A part

Correct your spelling

Apart

show examples

from

another

Replace the adjective

another possibel measure

other possibel measures

show examples

possibel

Correct your spelling

possible

measures is that parents can encourage for outdoor

activity

such

as walking, playing

games

and other.

This

is owing to

children

can learn about

value

Add an article

the value

show examples

phsiyocal

Correct your spelling

physical

activity

. To conclude,

although

the

problems

of electronic

games

are

compler

Correct your spelling

complex

, the

solucation

Correct your spelling

solution

solicitation

of these is

partical

Correct your spelling

partial

practical

and

possibel

Correct your spelling

possible

Change preposition

show examples

real

Add an article

the real

show examples

world. It is helpful for decreasing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

hours of playing

video

games

Submitted by mp960021 on Fri Dec 10 2021

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people . What physical and mental problems arise from excessive use of these games . How could this problems be reduced .

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play video games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing video games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

Several individuals expand most of their life alive near where they were born. What might be the cause of th is? What are the advantages and downsides?

The Impact of Technology on Education and Learning

Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Art classes, such as drawing and painting, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.