IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic. Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #advertisements #products #lives
Are advertisements effective in our life to rely on them? Marketing is a business that aims to attract
people
 and make money. So, if we know the goal behind
this
 business, we can comprehend the point that
marketers
 don’t pay much attention to
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 us important
products
 in our life. I believe that
marketers
 are deceiving
people
 by
fake
Wrong verb form
faking
show examples
 flawless
image
Fix the agreement mistake
images
show examples
 and useless
products
, but we can avoid that by searching and buying our
products
 by ourselves.
Firstly
, advertisers always tend to make
perfect
Add an article
a perfect
show examples
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
show examples
 of their
products
 in order to attract
people
’s attention.
For instance
, KFC announced an attractive offer
last
 month and it seemed irrevocable for
people
 who saw it.
Although
 the price was competitive for a natural fresh chicken dish, the real plate was different from the offer seen in the advertisement.
This
 shows a small sample that
marketers
 only care about money with their offers.
Secondly
,
marketers
 didn’t care about how useful will the product be for
people
. In fact, they are aware of how they will make a huge amount of money regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 importance of
products
 in
people
’s life. In TV channels,
for example
,
people
 can notice the number of useless
products
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in advertisements
such
 as massage tools and hair improvement
products
 and many more. To prevent these lies from advertisers,
people
 can go to any place and buy their needed
products
 by themselves without looking at any advertisement.
Moreover
, they can enjoy shopping and comparing different types of
products
 shown in shops. On balance,
marketers
 will always try to let their
products
 attractive and attainable to as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
people
.
Thus
, the only way we can protect ourselves is to not put an eye on their lies and try to do the job of purchasing
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 by ourselves.
Submitted by eng.ali.hammoud.26 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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