IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the era of health
care
Use synonyms
 advancements,
families
Use synonyms
 have to
care
Use synonyms
 for maximum elderly
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will highlight how societies will be able to manage the increase in the proportion of old age
people
Use synonyms
 today and solutions for resolving these issues. Personally, I feel communities won't be able to cope with the
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
number of elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are several factors that show
families
Use synonyms
 are unable to take
care
Use synonyms
 of maximum elderly
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 are busy with their work-life
thus
Linking Words
, they are not able to manage them properly.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 with small kids find it difficult to manage old age
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 as these peoples require more attention and
care
Use synonyms
 at home.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my relatives who is working for a U.S insurance company is unable to take proper
care
Use synonyms
 of his old age
parents
Use synonyms
 because of the working schedule between the two countries.
However
Linking Words
, there is a saying "where there is a will there is a way".
In addition
Linking Words
, these problems can be resolved by hiring one health
care
Use synonyms
 staff for their older
parents
Use synonyms
 who can take proper
care
Use synonyms
 of them in their absence. Significantly,
families
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 should take time for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and respect them as they have
been cared
Change to the active voice
cared
show examples
during
Change preposition
for during
show examples
 their childhood as children at home get influenced by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should eliminate the intergenerational communication gap.
Such
Linking Words
 as, In a recent survey of Times Of India juveniles treats their
parents
Use synonyms
 as their
parents
Use synonyms
 manage their old
parents
Use synonyms
 as they get influenced by their
parents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, It is hard to manage elderly
people
Use synonyms
 as they need more attention and time but it is our responsibility to take proper
care
Use synonyms
 of them as upbringings matters a lot in individuals nature. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 societies won't be able to manage elderly
people
Use synonyms
 properly because of their professional work culture.
Submitted by vfxabhii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: